The somewhat popular rock musician "Sting", best known for his work in the British 80's band "The Police" was reported to have been found dead in a Michigan hotel room early this morning.
Apparently Sting's bloated, rotting corpse was discovered floating face down in a tepid jacuzzi filled with regurgitated pickle juice, pork fat and cottage cheese.
After the reeking cadaver was fished from the jacuzzi with a boat hook, it was confirmed by veteran Detroit police ofiicers that the body was in fact that of "Sting".
However, after several minutes of examination by Chief Coroner Elwyn "Marn" Logwupple, a thirty year veteran of the Wayne County Coroners office, it was determined that Sting was actually alive and had only been lying face down in a jacuzzi full of vomit to get media attention.
When asked why his 'corpse' was so bloated, Sting was said to explain to police that it was merely his ego. Sting reportedly went on to say that the wretched, death-like stench that permeated the entire top floor of the hotel was probably just his cologne.
And so, any and all reports of Sting's untimely demise are completely and utterly false or entirely fabricated, chiefly by myself. Sting is most definitely alive.
The world mourns it's loss.
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