Clifford R. McDuff Jr. (63), retired nudist beach janitor and Beulah, North Dakota native is currently in a legal battle with famed pop superstar Justin Bieber over song rights and music finances as he is laying claim to a large percentage of Bieber's music fortune.
As dictated by a legal Last Will and Testament, McDuff claims that he has legal rights to 78% of Bieber's annual income as he insists the popular musician is in fact a physical reincarnation of his late hamster, “Mr. Buttons”.
Although the legal battle is just beginning it is estimated that it may take years or even decades to sort out in courts.
“Justin Bieber's got my moneys!” exclaimed Mr. McDuff as he emerged from the Podunk County Courthouse in Beaulah, North Dakota. “I know he's Mr. Buttons! I knows it!”
Mr. McDuff was reportedly making reference to the legal document signed by his former hamster that entitled him to a large percentage of the income earned by the ex-rodent's hit songs.
Upon examination of the cage once occupied by the deceased “Mr. Buttons”, who sadly perished in a freak blender accident in February of 1994, a slab of purple gnaw-block was in fact discovered that contained song lyrics, written in hamster-script, that were identical to those sung in the Bieber hit “Never Let You Go”. Although indecipherable to the average eye or even the hamster-script layman, investigators were satisfied that the crude bite marks and scratches found on the purple-dyed piece of balsa wood were in fact song lyrics that were subsequently reproduced by Bieber after a thorough and exhausting investigation from hamster-script expert Professor James L. Worfadongle, PhD. of the University of Vanatu.
Following his investigation, Professor Worfadongle was quoted as saying: “Although the hamster-script in question does contain song lyrics identical to those of Mr. Bieber I, as yet, cannot postulate whether or not they were written before or after the song in question was produced. They will of course need to be carbon dated.”
Reporters were later informed that the official carbon dating of the gnaw-block will be conducted in a undisclosed location within a 30-foot thick, steel-reinforced concrete bunker buried 60 meters underground by experts at the University of Lesser Guam. They will of course perform this all-essential carbon-dating while under armed guard.
While Mr. Buttons' Last Will and Testament, giving Clifford McDuff complete legal and financial rights to all Mr. Buttons' hit songs in perpetuity and particularly following reincarnation, was written completely in plain English and not in hamster-script, it was, however, prepared legally by the distinguished attorneys at the law firm of Krankowitz, Urf and McBoo, signed by Mr. Buttons (paw print) and ratified by two witnesses who under the circumstances refuse to be identified.
Bieber, however, is reportedly trying to seek a quiet out-of-court settlement with McDuff and is rumored to feel confident that he will achieve one. The settlement terms, as leaked to reporters by an undisclosed party dressed in a black-and-white horizontally striped suit, goofy hat and a black mask, are suspected to be a life-time supply of free 50-cent apple pies & senior coffees to be awarded to Mr. McDuff in exchange for his silence. However, this information has yet to be substantiated as the rumor-leaker in question has said nothing to reporters other than “Robble-robble”.
I knew it!
ReplyDelete