C-SEDS - Facts You Should Know

C-SEDS, or Chronic Spontaneous Explosive Diarrhea Syndrome is the newest deadly health concern developing in the world. Thousands of people develop this disorder each year adding to the millions world-wide that suffer from C-SEDS.

C-SEDS is a socially transmitted virus that attacks the human intestines via genetically altered enzymes found in low quality food. These enzymes cause the duodenum to spasm involuntarily and force large amounts of partially digested food through the colon at excessive speeds at the least appropriate moment.

Although untreatable and possibly fatal, C-SEDS can be prevented; usually through diet, exercise and social isolation in a remote Welsh village where you eat only rotten beets and insist your name is Bulgular the Insipid.

However, improving your diet is the best way to prevent C-SEDS. To cut down your chances of developing C-SEDS disorder you should:

• Increase your water intake from 8 to 15 glasses of water a day.



• Drink 2 – 3 liters of fruit juice daily, prune juice in particular.



• Get plenty of fiber in your diet, particularly fiber found in beans, raisins, figs and sauerkraut.



• Eat 4 – 6 boiled eggs daily.



• Ingest 3 tablespoons of cod liver oil every 4 hours.



• Eat lots of corn and peanuts.

C-SEDS hot-spots:

The biggest “explosion” of C-SEDS outbreaks have been in Thailand, Equador, Peru, Scotland and New Mexico, while almost an entire two-thirds of Bavaria suffers from the disease. Bavaria is in their fourth decade leading the world in C-SEDS outbreaks. Fortunately they recycle the output in sausages.

Recent C-SEDS victims:

Elroy Clem Patterson (46) of Beaumont TX, a life-long sufferer of C-SEDS shat himself to death September 3, 2011 after judging a local chili cook-off. He is mourned by his dog Mavis and his girlfriend LuLu, a one-legged lesbian rodeo clown out of Istanbul, Turkey.

Detmar Diedrick Diqhed (84) of Munich, Germany, an internationally renound sausage packaging magnate discharged himself to death August 23, 2011 after his sausage company sales skyrocketed on the German stock exchange. He is mourned by the Deutchland Center for Improper Sausages, The German Institute of Lederhosen and a bloke from Sheffield named Norris.

Shotam "The Fabulous" Morganstern (56) of Sonora, CA spewed forth from this world October 15th 2011 after consuming no fewer than 56 bean burritos in a ten minute span while in a vain attempt to get into the Guiness Book of World Records. Although he failed to break the record of 57 bean burritos in ten minutes his violent diarrheic death was not in vain. He now holds the world's record (posthumously) for being the least fabulous person ever addressed as "fabulous".